Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
