Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
