well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
