Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
