I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
