He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just blew my weed a kiss
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
