Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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