i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
pray to the hookup gods
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
