Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
