How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
