I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
