I wanna bring you to show and tell
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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