I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
