It's Friday. Sex?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
