from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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