No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
