the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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