If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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