Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
