Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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