your parents love me but you hate me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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