I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
