Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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