Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
