Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
