My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
