Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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