i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
