I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
