worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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