so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
