it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
