I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
