At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
