Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
