I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
