Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
