I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
