I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
