I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
