apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize