You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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