hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you traded sex for a burrito?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The uberlube is also flammable
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
