You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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