if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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