God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
