i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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