She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
