He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You are the jesus of drinking
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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