I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
