if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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