I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
