I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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