so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
