Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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