Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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