i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
